Zarah Kathryn

Aug 5, '08 8:50 PM
for everyone

I have just come to realize how kind and understanding my friends are, maybe because I've just come to realize how hard it is to be with me. Always finding faults in others, not seeing the good things they do, the good qualities, not looking deeper into them, and I'm very, very moody. I'm really ashamed of it.

I had a close friend who is liked by everyone, she's about 7 years younger than me. What's not to like anyway? She's pretty, nice, fun to be with, always caring for others, very talented, very intelligent, fashionable and a lot more I can't really think of right now. Still, I found fault in her. In my mind I had a feeling that she's so trying to be somebody she's not. I found her fashion wild, I thought she wasn't supposed to dress like that because she's a Christian. (I know, I know, I was very very wrong!) Haven't seen her for almost 2 years now cause I had to go back to Philippines. I miss her and I'm regretting the way I've treated her even though she might not know it. How I wish I can turn back time and change...

Now, I have a friend who is, again, a Christian, liked by everyone, very pretty, fun to be with, and more. I'm treating her the same way. She likes to tell me stories, what's happening with her life, and I found it annoying. I'm still very moody, sometimes I really enjoy being with her, sometimes, gosh, I feel so bored. And sometimes, I even try to hide from her. I feel like she always want to spend a lot, something I can't do. Hayzz...so bad...

But I don't feel that way with all my friends. Just some.

No wonder I have only a few friends. It must be very hard to keep up with someone like me. I wonder too if they notice that.

I finally realize the root of it though. INSECURITY. I'm a person who's so insecure. They are better looking, they have better lives, etc. That's what's bugging me. I'm glad I finally came to that conclusion. I can change...through the Lord's help, I will... I don't want to be someone whom people don't like to be with. Salt of the earth, that's what I'm supposed to be...

Tags: insecurity, friends, musings

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marecar wrote on Aug 5

ikaw ba nagsulat nito? weh... so unlike you... hehe... total opposite...

"I have just come to realize how kind and understanding my friends are, maybe because I've just come to realize how hard it is to be with me. Always finding faults in others, not seeing the good things they do, the good qualities, not looking deeper into them, and I'm very, very moody. I'm really ashamed of it."

zarah07 wrote on Aug 5

hay car, sa inyo d ko un nararamdaman. sa ibang tao, madalas may ganun. i'm so moody talaga sa kanila minsan. kakahiya nga eh. hehe

pdeguzman wrote on Aug 6

tama si car. so unlike you. kala ko may kinopya ka post from somebody else tapos post mo dito. hahaha.

marecar wrote on Aug 6

oo nga z, i thought din post mo lang to at first eh. hehe. pero eto lang masasabi ko. mahaba to for sure hehe...

1. it's not hard to be your friend... ur so easy to get along and love!
2. you see good things in pipol but there are times na mas matindi lang talaga ang bad things sa kanila and im sure ur not the first to see that in them.
3. everybody has something to say about everybody! we just have different ways of expressing them, privately or publicly.
4. it doesn't matter how great a person seem when they're not true to. themselves and others kasi front lang un, so when they're liked, they're not liked for being them but for pretending to be someone they're not.
5. some people think that they have very interesting or meaningful lives that they tell everybody all the time about it, not realizing that they're annoying people na kasi walang kwenta naman ang mga kwento nila pala. so, iwas ka na lang talaga sa mga ganun kasi ikaw pa magiging masama when you tell them the truth...they'll call you names or whatever! some people don't ever want to hear the truth about their ugali...that's a fact!
6. it's ALWAYS better to have few good/true friends than to have many friends in name only...
7. don't ever, ever change for people to like you. don't be like your friend that you don't like or somebody will someday feel the same about you without knowing it.
8. i don't think it's insecurity you feel. as you once said to me, mas matindi lang conscience mo than other people... you feel like you're a bad person for thinking that way about others, kahit sino pa sila. it's normal. as i said, everybody has something to say about everybody. it doesn't make you less of a person because it's human nature! atleast ndi ka nagpapaka ipokrita ano. you know yourself lang talaga and you are brave enough to admit it to yourself and others...

z, if you are like that, we will tell you for sure! u know naman, prankahan tayo!!!

zarah07 wrote on Aug 6

para talagang d ako? di pala na-nonotice yun. ehehe..may pagka moody talaga.ewan ba..

bait mo talaga car. bagay, ikaw na isa sa mga taong nakakakilala sakin ng husto...

c paul naalala pa ko..weeeee.. joke. :)

marecar wrote on Aug 6

moody din naman ako dati pero ndi naman tayo nakakasakit ng tao sa moods natin kasi we keep it to ourselves naman at alam natin mood swings natin. at mas may mga masahol pa sayo na nakakasakit pa ng tao with their knowledge, at all the time pa, un isipin mo.

also, if u find me mabait, edi saksakan ka na ng bait noh!!!

haha oo nga naalala ka pa oh... ehehe... pasulpot sulpot lang iyan, busy busyhan kasi... kya weeeeeee talaga ahaha...

zarah07 wrote on Aug 6

hay, kung alam mo lang naiisip ko tungkol sa mga tao dito minsan..ehhe

marecar wrote on Aug 7

maybe they deserve it, un ganun isipin sa kanila ng tao, ndi lang ikaw. still always remember, you're more mabait than me. that's for sure. ok? hehe...

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Zarah Kathryn