Zarah Kathryn

Friday shift...
So tired, so stressed out...
Haven't had much sleep in about 3

days now...
Finally it's the end of the week, I'm not too happy in taking client complains now...

I got a call from a client asking about his Financial Account. His initial question (maybe his only one) was why his stock order  wasn't executed. I went through the details of verifying his identity and his account and went on to tell him that the stock market isn't open yet and he has to wait 15 more minutes.

Okay, that was done. Whew! Easy one!

Before ending the call, he just said, "Hey, one more thing." And I was thinking, "Oh, boy. Here we go with the tough questions" But he didn't ask me any question. What he said blessed me that day. I can't believe I remember his words almost verbatim. "Ma'am, I just want you to know that almost 6 years ago, I almost came to the end of my life. I had back problem and I thought I was going to die. But I gave my life to JESUS and my life was changed from then"

All I can say was, "OH I'm so glad to hear that, Sir. I know what you mean." Unfortunately, it was forbidden for me to say anything else that will be too personal. But it seems that he could hear from the sound of my voice that I WAS really glad to hear that from him. Because his follow-up question was, "Oh, you have given your life to Jesus too, haven't you?" Again my answer was very short and simple, "Yes. I did." Of course you can feel the happiness even in my voice when I said that! After that he just went on to pray for me. "Lord, I bless my sister. I love her in the Lord. I know we would meet when Jesus finally comes back. Bless her today, in Jesus' name."

Now, that is really the best call I got from a client I got so far and I've been doing this for a year and 4 months now. That day, I was really, really blessed. It's like God was telling me that there's a lot of us that's waiting for Him to come back. And even though it's miles and miles away and the timezone is so much different, we have brothers and sisters who are waiting for Jesus and are blessing His name.

I'm just so blessed. Little things that can encourage us everyday.

When the storm is raging all around me
You are the peace that calms
My troubled sea
And the cares of this world
Darken my day
You are the light that shines
And shows me the way

Oh, the beauty of Your majesty
On the cross You showed Your love for me!

Beautiful Lord
Awesome and mighty
I’m captured by this love I see
Beautiful Lord
Tender and holy
Your mercy brings me to my knees
It’s Your mercy that has made me free
Beautiful Lord

When my sin is all that I can see
Your grace remains the shelter that I seek
And when my weakness is all I can give
Your gentle Spirit gives me strength again
And oh, the beauty of Your majesty
On the cross You showed Your love for me

And I am lifted by Your love to sing!
It’s Your mercy that has made me free!

You’re beautiful, my Lord
You’re beautiful, my Lord

by Leeland

~*~*~*~*

I just love the lyrics of this song. It tells what I want to say. I couldn't have written this, but I just love it, how beautiful is my God. He's so loving. I'm waiting for a prayer to be answered, and I already heard that it will.

Insecurities by Pastor Roman

Really helped me see things much more clearly. I must admit that until now I'm struggling with this issue. My friends before scolded me because of this. And I notice that I can't function well with this.

There are times when...

...it feels like life is going nowhere.

...nothing feels right.

...everything I do seems wrong.

...there's this unworthy feeling. Unworthy of His love, unworthy of my friends, of all His blessings.

...I wish I was someone else, living another lifestyle.

...I wish I can be a child again, no problems, no responsibilities, no heartaches and suffering.

...I feel like there is more but I don't know how to get there.

...everyone seems to be living a better life than mine and I feel so envious, so embarrassed of my life.

...I feel so guilty, so dirty, full of sin and that I can't go to His presence anymore.

...I'm so fed up with everything that's happening, I wish I can just go to some far away land and never come back.

...I'm so fearful, fearful of the unknown, fearful of the future, fearful of the things that can happen and the things that won't happen.

...I'm so frustrated, frustrated because I keep wishing, wanting more.

...I don't see anything good in me, anything that can tell me I'm no the right track, that I can make it.

...I just wish someone would be there to encourage me, someone I can talk to and pour my heart out.

Unfortunately, I'm in that time of my life now. But unlike before, I'm learning how to deal with it. I won't say I'm so much better than before, that I can take care of myself and feel better in minutes, because I can't. It still takes a few days. I'm just so thankful that every time I go through this, after those times I feel closer to the Lord. I know it will happen. Whatever His plan is for my life, it will take place. When? I don't know. I just know that it will. That's what keeps me going...

Got this from a pastor's web site. Just want to post here just in case some one can read it :)

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession: 

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish.  And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees.  I don't feel threatened.  I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are:  Christmas trees. 

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me.  I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto.  In fact, I kind of like it  It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating ng this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu .  If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away. 

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians.  I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period.  I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country.  I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat. 

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?  I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.   But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.  

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different:  This is not intended to be a joke;  it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking. 

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.  She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.  And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out.  How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?' 

(NOTE: In the mid 2006 someone added the following coda not written by Ben Stein)

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.  I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.  Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school.  The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself.  And we said OK. 

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide).  We said an expert should know what he's talking about.  And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out.  I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.' 

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell  Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.  Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.  Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace. 

Are you laughing yet? 

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it. 

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. 

Pass it on if you think it has merit.  If not then just discard it... no one will know you did.  But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

I have just come to realize how kind and understanding my friends are, maybe because I've just come to realize how hard it is to be with me. Always finding faults in others, not seeing the good things they do, the good qualities, not looking deeper into them, and I'm very, very moody. I'm really ashamed of it.

I had a close friend who is liked by everyone, she's about 7 years younger than me. What's not to like anyway? She's pretty, nice, fun to be with, always caring for others, very talented, very intelligent, fashionable and a lot more I can't really think of right now. Still, I found fault in her. In my mind I had a feeling that she's so trying to be somebody she's not. I found her fashion wild, I thought she wasn't supposed to dress like that because she's a Christian. (I know, I know, I was very very wrong!) Haven't seen her for almost 2 years now cause I had to go back to Philippines. I miss her and I'm regretting the way I've treated her even though she might not know it. How I wish I can turn back time and change...

Now, I have a friend who is, again, a Christian, liked by everyone, very pretty, fun to be with, and more. I'm treating her the same way. She likes to tell me stories, what's happening with her life, and I found it annoying. I'm still very moody, sometimes I really enjoy being with her, sometimes, gosh, I feel so bored. And sometimes, I even try to hide from her. I feel like she always want to spend a lot, something I can't do. Hayzz...so bad...

But I don't feel that way with all my friends. Just some.

No wonder I have only a few friends. It must be very hard to keep up with someone like me. I wonder too if they notice that.

I finally realize the root of it though. INSECURITY. I'm a person who's so insecure. They are better looking, they have better lives, etc. That's what's bugging me. I'm glad I finally came to that conclusion. I can change...through the Lord's help, I will... I don't want to be someone whom people don't like to be with. Salt of the earth, that's what I'm supposed to be...

Link

Found a very nice blog written by someone. Please do check if you can. It's so true too. I actually have a friend going through this, I had to send her the link so she can be helped too. Thanks sis, for writing this. God bless..

1. Do you think you can last for an hour without talking?
: no, I really don’t think so
2. When was the last time you saw the first person on your featured friends?
: about 9 hours ago, when I left the house for work
3.What do people usually compliment you on?
: they say I’m kind..hehe
4. What is one thing you hear a lot?
: callers
5. What is one thing that you want right now?
: diet pills?
6.Do you have a lot of regrets?
: unfortunately, yes..
7.Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
: I did, although I’ve only let ONE person go
8. Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
: i should think so
9. Do you miss someone?
: yeah.. :(
10. Next time you will kiss someone?
: huh? No idea
11. Are looks important?
: nope
12. What are you wearing?
: shirt and jeans
14.Do you like getting things from others?
: of course, who doesn’t?
15. What is your current mood?
: I’m sleepy
17. Were you smiling when you woke up this morning?
: I was working this morning
18. Which is more romantic: sunrise or sunset?
: sunset
19. Say a quick quote from a movie.
: Love is patient, love is kind, love is slowly going out of your mind – from 27 dresses
20.Would you die for someone?
: I don’t know
21. Last song you heard?
: don’t remember
22. Last person you slept with?
: my sister
23. Do you like/love anyone right now?
: yes I do
24.If someone did like you, how should they let you know?
: tell me
25. How was your day?
: it’s fine
26. Do you live near any of your friends?
: nope
27. Are you scared of spiders?
: yes I am
28. What's your dream in life?
: be successful
29.??
: huh?
30.What color is your hair?
: black
31. do you believe in love?
: yes
32.Are you pregnant?
: how could that happen???
33. When do you want to get married?
: when the right time comes
34.Do you curse a lot?
: I don’t curse
35.What are your favorite books?
: mary Higgins clark books .
36.Do wish you were with someone right now?
: yes
37. Who were the last three people that sent you a text message?
: mommy, pricel, pinky
38.Are you happier single or in a relationship?
: both
39.Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
: yes
42.Do you wish someone would call you?
: no I don’t..it would be another customer :D
43.What is bugging you right now?
:my last call
44.Whats something you wish you could understand better?
: love?
45. If someone doesn't like you, its usually because...?
: of my looks?

[One] from whom was your last text?
-- Mommy
[Two] Where was your primary picture taken at?
-- picture of my guitar taken at our apartment in japan
[Three] What's your middle initial?
-- F
[Four] Color of the shirt you're wearing right now?
-- blue
[Five] Does your crush(es) like you back?
-- not
[Six] What is your current mood?
-- sleepy
[Seven] What's your moms name?
-- Tess
[Eight] What's the color of your eyes?
-- dark brown
[Nine] What was the last thing you drank?
-- water
[Ten] If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
-- oh, yeah. A lot
[Eleven] Have a crazy side?
-- yes, who hasn’t?
[Twelve] Favorite song/s? -
-- so many.  Above All, Hosanna, When You Say Nothing At All, With A Smile,  much, much more
[Fifteen] Do you wanna see somebody?
-- yes
[Sixteen] Funniest gossip you heard about you?
-- I can’t really think of anyone right now. Except when someone called my mom and said that I’m out partying when I’m just in our house sleeping. My mom really laughed at that one.
[Seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
-- about a week ago
[Eighteen] Who would you do anything for?
-- family, friends, loved one
[Nineteen] Who is your idol?
-- Jesus
[Twenty] What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
-- how he carry himself
[Twenty-two] What's your biggest secret?
-- I have a problem I can’t tell anyone
[Twenty-three] Where is your ex?
-- manila
[Twenty-four] Favorite movie?
-- LOTR trilogy, Narnia, Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy, and a lot more
[Twenty-five] Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
-- yes!
[Twenty-six] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
-- still water
[Twenty-seven] Do you speak any other dialect?
-- does japanese count?
[Twenty-eight] What's your favorite smell?
-- flower
[Twenty-nine] Describe your life in one word, what would it be?
-- fat
[Thirty-three] What should you be doing?
-- working
[Thirty-eight] Do you act differently around the person you like?
-- I try not to…
[Thirty-nine] What is your natural hair color?
-- black
[Fourty] Who was the last person to make you smile?
-- my team mates

Sometimes you feel so alone that wherever you go to, whether it be a social event, lunch at work, even church, you feel so left out. Heck, that's where I'm at right now. I've never been  one who reaches out first, but this is the first time I ever felt this way. It's so weird 'cause I stayed in a foreign country for 10 years and never felt so left out. Now, I'm in my homeland, 24 years old, working in a call center, a place that has so many people, and I'm feeling this way. I'm regretting the times I took the church, the ministry, friends, church mates for granted because I'm realizing now that it's so hard to find people who will be with you so together you can grow.

I attended service yesterday in Victory and Ps. Rico preached about Barak, about team work, about combining your faith with others. He even spoke about having someone who encourages him often. It's sad that I don't have christian friends who I can combined my faith with to bring results. I have my Mom, my Dad and my sister, but sometimes that's just not enough. I recognize the need to have people my own age to be friends with. I already tried twice to join a small group in church but because of my schedule, I can't find one. I hope to find one soon though.

Even Adam, the first man made by God, needed to have a companion, and our Father in heaven recognized that. Loneliness is not a good thing, it's not an easy thing to feel. I know God has someone, some people, for me. I just have to wait, it will happen...

I wrote this when I was so, so down. It just came. I thought then, I would die because of the things happening. Well, I'm still alive and kicking today.

                                           ~Your Love~ 

So many reasons to be thankful

You’ve given so much I don’t deserve

And though sometimes I’m so unfaithful

To me Your goodness never fails

*Your love continues forever

  Your mercies are new everyday

  Your kindness, it changes never

   Lord, I will follow You all the way

So many times I’ve been ungrateful

Your blessings I’ve taken for granted

But even though life’s full of trouble

Jesus I know You are there (You never change)

(*)

**For there is no one like You

    Majestic in holiness, awesome in glory

    Wonder working God

    Waters so deep can’t quench Your love

    Rivers so mighty can’t wash it away

I love writing. I'm not that good at it, but I love it. I pour out my heart to God sometimes and He speaks to me too. I will post some of my songs here. I know no one looks at my account, but if there are people there who can write music into it, please let me know. He he. Because I'm not that good in writing music either. Anyway, here's my personalized Psalm 23. It's not a song but it means a lot to me personally. 

Because Jesus is my Shepherd,

Hunger, lack I will not experience

For He leads me in green pastures

Where I find rest, there in His presence

He takes me to the peaceful streams

There He heals and restores my soul

In the path of righteousness I am led

That His name may be glorified by all

Death’s valley in time I may tread

Still no evil shall I fear for He’s with me

His rod, His staff, they are always near

Ever guiding, ever teaching, ever comforting me

He makes ready a feast for me

In the midst of my foes

My head He anoints with oil

And my cup He fills until it overflows

Now I know His mercy, His goodness

Shall forever follow me

And in the house of my Shepherd

Will I dwell for eternity